you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
