She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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