I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize