I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
