I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
