The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
