I am full of burrito and curiosity
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
