And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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