So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
