So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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