apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
