69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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