I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
