Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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