Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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