Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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