I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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