I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
