these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
