Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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