he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
