It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
