He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
