who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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