I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
