dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
