How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize