someone threw a dead crab at me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
