She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
