so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
