i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
