we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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