i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
