Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
