Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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