I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize