He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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