Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
