Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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