she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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