so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
