Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
