I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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