I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
