I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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