Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
