I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
