You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
