1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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