He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
