dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
