If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
