Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
