well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
