I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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