She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
