do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
