Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
