You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
