Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
