i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
