I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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