writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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