We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
