Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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