I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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