i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
