He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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