I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
