i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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