Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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