she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
