broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
