You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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