I showed him my bush... on skype.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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