dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
