Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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