The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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