No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
