I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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