We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize