Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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