even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
