So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
