you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
