I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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