I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
