his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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