I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
