mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
