We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
