dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
