i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
