We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
