Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
