Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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