nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
