I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
