I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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