The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
