Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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