Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
