I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize