I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
