you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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