he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
