Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
