I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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