i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize